Monday, March 29, 2010

Polite People

I have told my boss and most of my co-workers that I am pregnant but I didn't want to send out a mass email with my news so I kind of hoped that word would spread and I wouldn't have to make a big deal about it. I am also now 5 1/2 months pregnant and looking, I think very pregnant so imagine my surprise when I casually mention to a guy at work; "well, you know I'm pregnant right?" and he responds, "really I had no idea."

You had no idea! What are you talking about, you had no idea? Come on, how else do you account for my clearly round and protruding belly? Do you think I have a beer belly? Do you think that this is my body type? Come on...I am so clearly pregnant.

Friends have tried to reassure me by saying that people are just trying to be polite but let me tell you there is nothing polite about telling a clearly pregnant women that she doesn't look pregnant. All it tells us is that we look fat, rather then the preferable pregnant. It is very insulting.

The first few months I did sort of just feel fat. I wore a lot of baggy clothing and tried to hide my middle as much as possible. Then I started to round out and have embraced the belly fully. I now feel that I would rather wear clothes that show off my growing bump, rather then shying away. However, these 'polite' people who I can only hope fain ignorance to my situation are not helping me any. So to the world I say, it's okay I am pregnant and I don't mind looking it at least for the next few months.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Resistance is Futile

Last Saturday I wore regular jeans for perhaps the last time ever.

You see I have been resistant to buying speciality clothes (maternity clothes) because after all there are so many nice clothes that can work for both and really I only have 4 1/2 months to go and it seemed like a waste of money and I'm cheap. So I have been wearing empire waist dresses and long shirts with leggings. A friend even gave me a few items and I did buy one pair of maternity pants; however, they only have a stretchy part in the front and it is rather small now that I look at them. I was thinking I could make due but things changed on this past Saturday.

Saturday we had some friends from out of town and we (my husband and I) decided to give them a tour of the downtown which was a lot of fun. I decided to try and be normal and wear my regular jeans for this little outing. This was of course a big mistake. My husband warned me that this was a bad idea but I really really really wanted to wear jeans; comfy. normal jeans. Despite my fun day there was nothing comfy or normal about my belly busting out of my jeans all day long. After dinner I could barely breath and it took all my pride and self restrain not to rip them off and drive home naked.

So I broke and the next day I went to a maternity store that a friend had recommended. I grabbed a few jeans off the rake and took them into the change room and that's when I fell in love. These jeans were and are amazing and actually make me look and feel normal; pregnant yes but normal. I can bend over and sit down with out my bum hanging out. They make me feel free and I truly don't know if I can ever go back to regular none elastic waist jeans again.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Lesson Learned...Again

Yesterday I went for my second ultrasound appointment and it went something like this...

I arrive at the hospital at 7am for this appointment only to discover that there is a row of people waiting and the doors wouldn't open until 7:15; hum. The doors finally open and we all roll in and dutifully hand over our health care cards to reception. I take a seat and wait. When they finally call my name I find out that my first ultrasound has not been sent over (the second time it has not been sent where it's supposed to be; err). I don't remember the name of the place it was done and I'm sure my doctors office isn't opened yet which means there is nothing I can do so I sit back down and wait some more. It seems now that I am being punished for not having a complete file because everyone is called in before me, even the women who went pee despite having been told not to.

Here we go, I'm called in and the ultrasound begins. It's always a little too quiet for me while the technician is doing her thing. I am dying to ask questions and be told every little detail about what she sees but I try and restrain myself because I can see that she is focused. The room is getting cold with my belly bare and I can see nothing, a painting on the wall or something would have been good.

She finishes all her measuring (which seems to be taking pictures of different parts of the babies body) and of course I ask. "how does everything look?"
Her response, "Fine but really the doctor should be the one to discuss it with you."
Thanks lady just tell me it looks good come on.
Then I ask if she can tell the gender. Her response is ridiculously none committal. She tells us that the baby is moving a lot and so it's been hard for her to take pictures and see. She can't see a penis but that doesn't mean it's not there. She says she doesn't know how many times she has been right or wrong so it's best to just says she's not sure. What? That's it, that's your answer; you're not sure.

I am completely unsatisfied again and walk away with the lesson that I have already learned and will no doubt continue to be reminded of; life, this pregnancy, labor and most importantly this baby will not necessarily adhere to the plans that I have made. Okay, okay lesson learned.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Numb Bum

I have discovered a new symptom of pregnancy or maybe it's just me.
The last few days my bum has been ridiculously sore. It feels bruised almost, possibly because I went for a massage and the therapist was forced to spend almost the entire hour working out the literal pain in my ass.

I have over the past few years struggled with back pain. It comes and goes, it's often related to stress or inactivity and can usually be treated through stretching and massage. Since working in an office and sitting at a desk all day, my back has expressed it's concerns and I have done what I always do and dutifully answer the call buy seeking professional help; i.e one massage as soon a possible please. But now my pain has shifted.

My therapist who I love has a way of finding the root of the problem which I am both grateful for and dread at each appointment. Yesterday he found the problem to be firmly rooted in my buttocks, something I was starting to notice at work. All he had to do was touch one cheek and it was clear that that was the problem. As he worked out the knots, I tried to breath through it and thought how fair I've come that this is totally normal and acceptable professional treatment. But my therapist wasn't done there, he as usual found pain and I mean the serious pain where I didn't know it existed. This time he found it in my thighs.

Have you ever had your thighs massaged? I don't mean by a partner during foreplay, I mean by a professional with a job to do. It's actually really uncomfortable. On a good day all my reflexes and insincts tell me that I should kick this fool off me but yesterday took it to a new level. All he had to do was press on my thigh before I was forced to cry 'stop'. "I'm sorry it's just too much," I said. He of course complied and went about relieving my tense thighs muscles in a more gentle way.

But back to my butt which has become somewhat of a distraction. The pain was rubbed out, kind of but my butt is still sore. I went to the movies after and sat for two hours on my sore bum and now I'm here at work doing the same thing. I think I may need to invest in one of those 'sitting doughnut' that they give to people with hemorrhoids because this butt can't take it anymore.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Restless Nights

I used to be the super sleeper. I used to be able to fall asleep anytime, anyplace, for any duration. I was just an amazing sleeper. I had glorious, deep, restful sleeps and now... not so much. Of course I expected that having a child my sleep would be interrupted, however, I thought I would have nine months to brace myself before that happened. I instead have had difficulty sleeping since month 2 and now that I am fast approaching month 5 and my belly is swelling everyday I am becoming concerned.

My ultimate sleeping position historically has been on my stomach, something that massage and physiotherapists alike have warned against. But how can you deny something that feels so right. Well naturally at 19 weeks sleeping on my stomach is officially no longer an option and I'm not supposed to sleep on my back either (something about increased blood pressure). So it's the side sleep and ideally with a pillow between my legs for optimal support that I must come to terms with. Sounds fine, until I find myself awake in the middle of the night tossing and turning, trying to find a way to make this new position feel natural and relaxed.

Then there are the bathroom trips. So all the books say it's a good idea to not drink water a few hours before going to bed but again I have been a major liquid drinker my whole life. I feel constantly thirsty and have taken a glass of water to bed with me since I was a child. In the past I would either hold it in the night or wake up go to the bathroom and immediately fall back to sleep. Well not anymore. If anything wakes me up, my ability to fall back asleep is no longer active and I am forced to toss and turn and often times waking up my husband in the process.

I guess this is a sort of weird training for late night feedings that are to come but I never expected to start training so soon. I also never expected to have such a difficult time falling back to sleep. I used to think that waking up in the night would be hard but I am such an amazing sleeper that I would easily fall back to sleep and napping on command when the baby was sleeping during the day would be a piece of cake. Well as usual nothing is what I thought it would be but hopefully I am building some sort of tolerance to being perpetually tired and cranky.

Monday, March 1, 2010


I was lazing about in bed on Saturday and I started feeling the strangest sensation in my stomach. It felt like there was a tiny little roller coaster going up and down in my belly. I would periodically get that butterfly, Canada's Wonderland drop-zone feeling; only smaller. I sort of ignored it and continued to read my book and then it kept happening. Then I finally realized that this is what early kicking feels like. It doesn't feel like kicking at all, just a strange whirling in the pit of your stomach feeling. I had read about it in books and much like everything else I have experienced, it was nothing like what I expected. My husband likes to picture the baby swimming around in my belly and doing the occasional back flip which is pretty much what it feels like. It continued all morning and then nothing on Sunday but it's back again today. I have to say that it's not painful or even uncomfortable really but it's not totally pleasant either. It is however, nice to know that everything is normal and that I have passed another milestone.